I thank the good Lord that I met my wife before the craze of dating apps with Tinder in 2013 and everyone forgot how to meet people organically. It has always seemed like a shallow hole to me. A place for just hook ups and one-night stands. While I have not participated in the dating app scene I have met people through the internet in general and I did meet my wife organically which gives me an oddly unique perspective on the entire situation. I hope to provide some advice to those of you wanting to meet your partners organically and not through the filter of social media or dating apps.
Before the rise of dating apps, my love life was a mix of online misadventures and real-world encounters.
In my late teens, I spent hours in online role-playing games and chat rooms. I fell hard for someone I met online, spending countless nights chatting and talking on the phone. When I joined the military, I stayed loyal to this person, despite never having met them in person. Eventually, I traveled to Florida to meet them, only to discover I had been catfished. It was a harsh lesson about online relationships, but one that I learned long before dating apps became popular.
During my time in the military, I had a few casual relationships. While deployed to Iraq, the lack of romantic connection led me to be taken advantage of financially by a couple of women. These experiences made me wary of trusting people easily, which probably would have extended to the dating app scene had I ever ventured into it.
Fate, however, had other plans. After returning from deployment, I went home on leave. At a party in North Carolina, I met my future wife. Our first encounter was awkward (I made a cheesy joke about her nickname, "Boobie"), but we reconnected at another party a few weeks later. This time, we really hit it off. A few days later, we made a commitment to each other, and despite the distance, we spent almost every weekend together, driving back and forth between North Carolina and Georgia.
Thirteen years and two wonderful sons later, my wife and I are happily married and living near Atlanta. My journey to finding love was unconventional, filled with both missteps and serendipitous encounters. While my story may be unique, I believe there are valuable lessons and tips I can share about meeting people organically and building lasting connections.
Why ditch the apps and embrace the real world? While dating apps have their place, there's something truly special about choosing to meet people organically. When you meet someone in person, there's a raw, unfiltered quality to the interaction. You see their genuine reactions, their spontaneous smiles, and the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they love. This kind of authenticity is hard to replicate online, where curated profiles and carefully crafted messages can create a barrier between the real you and the persona you project. Organic encounters allow connections to unfold naturally, without the pressure of trying to make a perfect first impression. You can be yourself, quirks and all, and let the real you shine through.
Dating apps can also feel like a high-stakes game. You're constantly evaluating profiles, swiping left or right, and trying to craft the perfect opening line. It can be exhausting! Organic encounters, on the other hand, often come with less pressure. You're simply interacting with people in your everyday life, whether it's at a coffee shop, a park, or a friend's gathering. There's no expectation of immediate romance or a "perfect match." This relaxed atmosphere allows for more natural and comfortable interactions, where connections can develop organically without the weight of expectations.
Let's be honest: online profiles can only tell you so much. They can't capture the way someone moves, the twinkle in their eye, or the energy they exude. These nonverbal cues are essential for gauging chemistry and attraction. When you meet someone in person, you can pick up on these subtle signals, feel the "spark," and get a true sense of whether there's a genuine connection. You can experience their laughter, see how they interact with others, and observe their body language - all things that are crucial in building attraction and connection.
Lastly, meeting people through shared activities and interests creates a natural foundation for connection. Whether you're bonding over a love of hiking, volunteering at a local charity, or geeking out over your favorite band at a concert, shared experiences provide common ground and opportunities for meaningful conversations. These shared passions can ignite a spark and lay the groundwork for a lasting relationship built on common interests and values. It is these shared passionate spaces that I implore you to explore in your search for your significant other and not on some app that, frankly, does a terrible job at matching up people for long term relationships that truly last.
Forget the myth of "there's no one out there." Plenty of people are seeking genuine connections. The secret to meet people organically? It's simple: do the things you love. The real magic happens when you immerse yourself in activities and communities that genuinely interest you. This expands your social circle exponentially and increases your chances of meeting someone who shares your passions. Be open to new connections, and don't be afraid to take a chance when you feel a spark.
Think back to all the parties, concerts, festivals, and community events you may have skipped recently. These are prime opportunities to meet new people! The key is to go in with an open mind and enjoy the event for itself, not with the sole purpose of finding a date. Every social gathering is a chance to connect with others, whether it leads to romance, friendship, or even professional opportunities.
Hobbies are a fantastic way to meet like-minded people. Join clubs, groups, or volunteer for causes you care about. Don't be afraid to explore different groups until you find your tribe. The people you truly connect with will naturally stand out, and you can nurture those relationships further.
My wife will tell you I have a knack for striking up conversations with strangers. And it's partly why we're together today! Be willing to talk to people, build bridges, and see where those interactions lead. You never know who might introduce you to that special someone.
Every day is filled with opportunities for connection. Coffee shops, bookstores, parks, gyms, dog parks, grocery stores – these are all potential meeting grounds. A simple compliment can lead to an exchange of names and numbers. Don't let fear or self-consciousness hold you back from making those initial connections. These everyday life situations are the perfect place to meet people organically.
Okay, you're out in the world, ready to connect. Now what? How do you make a meaningful connection? First and foremost, make yourself approachable. Uncross your arms, smile, make eye contact, and put away your phone! These simple cues signal that you're open to interaction and engaged with your surroundings. Even if you're nervous, try to project a calm and confident demeanor. Good posture and a genuine smile can go a long way. Let's recap:
Once you've caught someone's eye, don't be afraid to strike up a conversation. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. A friendly "hello" or a comment about your shared environment (e.g., "This band is amazing!") can be a great icebreaker. From there, ask engaging questions that show genuine interest in the other person. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, and be sure to listen actively to their responses.
Above all, be genuine and authentic. Don't try to be someone you're not. Authenticity is attractive! People can tell when you're truly interested in them, so let your true self shine through. Ask questions, listen attentively, and share your own thoughts and experiences openly. Try not to dominate the conversation, but don't be afraid to put your opinions out there as long as you continue listening to them.
As you interact, pay attention to social cues. Smiling, laughing, leaning in, and prolonged eye contact are usually good indicators of interest. On the other hand, looking away, short answers, and closed-off body language might suggest they're not interested in engaging further. Respect their cues and move on gracefully. Remember, my wife completely blew me off the first time we met because she was there to see her friend and not to meet anyone, but our first introduction helped her work up the courage at our next meeting to talk to me again.
If you're feeling a connection, don't be afraid to take a chance. Exchange contact information and follow up appropriately. A simple text or message to say you enjoyed the conversation is a nice touch. Don't bombard them with messages, but do show continued interest. While you should have the courage to reach out they should also have the courage to tell you they are not interested. If you are secure with yourself then truly the worst thing someone could say is "No".
When you meet people organically it is all about being present, open, and genuine. Hopefully you can use these tips and increase your chances of making meaningful connections and finding that special someone in the real world.
Often to meet people organically it requires more than just showing up. It also requires cultivating the right mindset. This means overcoming fear of rejection, building your confidence, and embracing opportunities for connection. Your mindset is an important part of being able make a meaningful connection with someone else. As the popular saying goes, "you are your own worst enemy."
Rejection is a natural part of life, and it's okay to feel a little anxious about putting yourself out there. But don't let fear hold you back! Remember that not every interaction will lead to a connection, and that's okay. Each "no" brings you closer to a "yes." Focus on building genuine connections, and try not to take rejection personally. See it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Again, I was rejected the first time I met my wife. She wanted nothing to do with me and if you ask her today she will tell you how "goofy" she thought I was being. I'll take what I can get and chalk our first interaction up to being mildly charming and not so annoying as to turn her off from approaching me at our next meeting.
Confidence is key to making a good impression. Believe in yourself and your worthiness of connection, but let's not lie to yourself and everyone pretending you're God's gift to the world. Focus on your strengths, practice positive self-talk, and celebrate your accomplishments openly, but being humble goes a long way when building relationships of any kind. Remember that everyone has something unique to offer and that includes yourself. When you approach social situations with confidence, you'll be more likely to attract positive attention and make genuine connections. Someone told me once, "You know what you know, be proud of that." This has helped me quite a bit in the professional world to acknowledge my own expertise and it can help you in developing a level headed confidence that will enhance your relationships.
Stepping outside your comfort zone is essential for meeting new people. Say "yes" to invitations, even if they make you a little nervous. Try new activities, explore different social settings, and strike up conversations with people you don't know. The more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you'll have to connect with interesting people. This may lead to some less than desired situations from time to time, but no one is guaranteeing you a good time. You simply get the opportunity to have a good time and to meet new people. If one situation doesn't go according to plan remember you will have more opportunities in the future.
Cultivating a mindset for connection is an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your successes, and learn from your setbacks. With a little effort and a positive attitude, you can overcome your fears, build your confidence, and create the fulfilling social life you deserve.
In a world increasingly reliant on technology and instant gratification, it's easy to forget the simple power of human connection. While dating apps have their place, they can also create a sense of detachment and superficiality. Meet people organically, face-to-face, and allow for a depth of interaction that's hard to replicate online. It is, after all, how I met the love of my life.
Remember, finding love isn't a race or a competition. It's about connecting with another human being on a genuine level. So, put down your phone, step outside your comfort zone, and embrace the world around you. Strike up conversations, explore shared interests, and be open to the possibilities. Don't shelter yourself away from the world and increase your chances to meet people organically.
My own journey to finding love was filled with unexpected twists and turns. From the awkward first encounter with my wife to the years of long-distance dedication, our story is a testament to the power of perseverance and genuine connection.
You deserve to find love, too. Cultivate a positive mindset, embrace opportunities, and trust that the right person will come along when you least expect it. And who knows? Maybe your story will be the next one I share, inspiring others to ditch the apps and embrace the beauty of learning to meet people organically to develop meaningful connections.
